


Love Me Even If It's Fake

by mionesena



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Aquarius-Cancer, Author finally had time to write, Commitment, Doyoung is an aquarius, M/M, Oneshot, Rivals With Benefits, Smut, Taeyong is a cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mionesena/pseuds/mionesena
Summary: Why do I run back to you like I don't mind if you fuck up my life?
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	Love Me Even If It's Fake

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i couldn't stop listening to the song monsters by all time low and so this happened --- oops.
> 
> wait hold on, this is actually my first dotae au! KJSBJBSDJAA AND ITS ANGST BECAUSE WE LOVE PAIN DON'T WE ٩(× ×)۶
> 
> i had so much fun writing this, i hope you enjoy it too! 
> 
> p.s. didn't proofread  
> p.p.s it's my first time to write smut, PLEASE bear with me  
> p.p.p.s i made a playlist ♡

[a playlist for you](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6nj9NF1ITKy2ILipGVMxTW?si=gWziArl-QKGuAiyqnuzE4A)

Taeyong remembers it all. He vividly remembers it similar to a drawing perfectly tattooed on his mind and heart, perpetually there to envelop him with pain. He remembers the taste of lemon, salt, and tequila lingering on Doyoung’s lips when it first met his. He remembers the sound of his name coming out of Doyoung’s mouth countless times before they both reach their high. He remembers the sight of lust visible in Doyoung’s eyes as he looks at him with every thrust to his body. He remembers the scent of woody musk that Doyoung always leaves on his sheets the morning after. He remembers the feeling of being caressed by Doyoung, how it felt like every bone in his body would weaken with the softness of the touch. In those moments, he had hopes that there could be something more than just fucking around — but he was always proven wrong. It was intoxicating, yet he craved for more. Taeyong played with fire and let his heart burn with a feeling that will never be reciprocated — because Doyoung despises love. For Doyoung, love is a black hole beguiling you to come closer only to suck you in and never let you escape. But for Taeyong, love is a lighthouse that guides you in the stormiest night, a lighthouse that he found in Doyoung. And to put it in Doyoung’s concept of love, Taeyong is a star that has long been sucked into the black hole.

The first time Taeyong met Doyoung was when Johnny brought him to their so-called ‘boys night out’. Originally, it was Taeyong, Yuta, and Johnny’s way of taking breaks from doing their thesis. Some nights are jamming sessions, some are drinking at the bar, and some are binge-watching movies or series on TV. But even after graduation, their nights out progressed and became a ritual, much to their advantage because their bond only invigorated. Before long, each of them were bringing along friends depending on what they planned for the night. They even came to a point wherein they bring their own casual flings. Eventually, Doyoung became a part of the group, casually present at all their nights out, despite his and Taeyong’s constant arguments and disagreements.

Taeyong and Doyoung never got along from the beginning, frankly, they’ve labeled each other as rivals from the first meeting by virtue of their very first argument about love and relationships. It was a drunken fight, but it continued on even when they were both completely sober. Their ideas and opinions clash, and their personalities are comparable to friction — always resisting. But their common friends would agree that the tension between the two can be released with a taste of each other’s orgasm. Taeyong choked on his soda when Yuta first mentioned it to him, appalled by the fact that his best friend would believe such nonsense. In Yuta’s words, _“What else would it be but unresolved sexual tension?”_ Taeyong thought it’s abominable and he would rather choke on his soda and die right then and there than sleep with Kim Doyoung.

However, here he was, alive but slowly dying from heartbreak. First one to fall loses, isn’t that correct? He sat up on bed, staring at the plain wall of his bedroom before looking at the man lying on his side. Doyoung looks beautiful in bed, whether it was whenever he was fucking him or sleeping soundly beside him. He moved his face closer to see the man’s beauty underneath the moonlight peeping through the window. Doyoung is glowing and Taeyong is a moth attracted to the light.

The whole ordeal began three months ago, on a wasted night at Johnny’s newly bought condominium with his boyfriend Taeil. Not even once did Taeyong think that their nights out would bring this much chaos to his life.

That night, they decided to play the drinking game that they used to play as university students, back when their main goal was to get immensely wasted and have fun. It’s the fool’s game wherein a player has to start by saying a number between 1 and 10, while showing a different number with their hand. Taeyong reveled in this game, or any game for that matter, because he’s good at it. He’s competitive. Doyoung, however, was as competitive as him especially with the alcohol in his system.

They ended up playing a lot of drinking games that reminded them of their early teenage years — reminiscing of the time when they were only bombarded with school responsibilities, not with work and definitely not with bills to pay.

Taeyong didn’t want to show it, but his body is heating up from the desire to win over Doyoung; it’s heating up because his low alcohol tolerance is beginning to betray him; it’s heating up because for some reason, he wanted to wrestle Doyoung and kiss his plump lips afterwards. Taeyong just ignored the thought and whatever it could lead to. He stopped drinking more tequila and started drowning glasses of water to sober up, because what he hated the most is having to nurse a hangover the following morning. The others, though — Yuta, Johnny, and Taeil — were all lying defeated on the sofa from having too much to drink because they kept losing on the games.

Just when he came back to the kitchen from another visit at the bathroom, Doyoung approached him with two shots of tequila in hand.

“Still not done drinking, are you?” Taeyong asks.

“No, Taeyong. We aren’t,” Doyoung smirks at him. He reaches out the other shot glass to Taeyong. When Taeyong ignored it, he placed the glass down on the kitchen countertop.

“I’ve had enough for tonight, so no I’m not drinking any more of that,” Taeyong says in his usual annoyed tone.

“Come one, Tyong, one last? I’m the overall winner of tonight’s games anyway, you have to drink this.”

“First of all, I never agreed for you to call me that. Second, we didn’t tally our points so that doesn’t make you the winner. Lastly, I said I’ve had enough alcohol,” Taeyong points at the shot glass, “and of you for one night,” then he points at Doyoung.

“But I like that nickname,” Doyoung moved in closer to where Taeyong was standing and all Taeyong could do was step back, but before he knew it, Doyoung had him cornered in the refrigerator. Truth be told, Taeyong hated that nickname. He hated the way Doyoung would say it teasingly and he hated how it makes his stomach churns.

“Doyoung.” He warns, but Doyoung only locks his eyes with him. His entire body is heating up again from the sudden turn of events, and he doesn’t like a bit of where this is going. He kept convincing himself that it’s just the alcohol doing the devil’s work. Doyoung is so close that he can feel his breath on his face. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Doyoung doesn’t answer, instead, he took a shot of tequila and reached for the lemon with salt. Taeyong only stood frozen, still with his back on the refrigerator, as he watched Doyoung. He didn’t notice how Doyoung had his hand on his waist.

“Taeyong, can I kiss you?”

‘No’ was the word Taeyong had on his mind, but instead he says, “Fuck you, Doyoung.”

“That’s a yes, then?” Doyoung says before he crashes his lips on Taeyong’s.

Taeyong wanted to leave, he wanted to punch Doyoung. There are so many thoughts on his mind about how wrong this is, but his body stays put. And before long, his lips were moving to the rhythm of Doyoung’s lips sucking his, his hands were finding their way to the inside of Doyoung’s shirt. Their mouths and their bodies felt warm with each other and Taeyong wanted more. He can feel Doyoung touching him everywhere, from his neck to his waist to his back to his nipples— his weakest spot, making Doyoung earn a moan from him and he felt Doyoung smirking through the kiss.

For a moment, they both lost track of where they were until they heard a groan at the living room. Johnny’s place isn’t that big, and whoever groaned can be heard loud and clear from the kitchen, like shockwaves through their bodies.

And then it was silent. They let go of each other and Taeyong was dismayed, to say the least, but then Doyoung drags him out of the condominium and to the elevator where he felt Doyoung’s hand cupping his butt cheek. He longed for Doyoung’s lustful kisses, and being at the elevator with a cctv was complete torture.

“Let’s finish this at my place,” Taeyong said as he hailed a cab.

The cab ride was uncomfortable, for the driver at least. Doyoung can’t keep his hands off Taeyong’s inner thigh as soon as they enter the cab and Taeyong can’t keep his mouth shut either, moaning as Doyoung’s palm presses unto his thighs, slowly coming closer to his growing bulge.

They didn’t waste any second as soon as they entered Taeyong’s condominium, with Doyoung pushing him to the couch and sucking the life out of him. It was mad, the way Doyoung tore his shirt off of him, kissing his nipples relentlessly as he brought Taeyong’s hand over his head. Doyoung is taking control and Taeyong lets him. He lets him unbutton his jeans and undress it for him, leaving only two layers of clothing between them — his and Doyoung’s boxers which they impatiently removed afterwards.

“God, Doyoung, fuck me already!”

“Why the fuck are you always so impatient?” Doyoung asked, his tongue teasing Taeyong’s nipples. “Where’s the lube?”

Taeyong only pulled Doyoung for a kiss, saying “In the room” in between. He stood up and carried Doyoung as they shared a kiss, with Doyoung’s legs around his torso and his hands ruffling his hair. He can feel Doyoung’s cock on his stomach and all he wants is to have Doyoung inside him. He threw Doyoung on bed, jumping on top of him, and Doyoung turned them around so he would be on top Taeyong.

Doyoung got the lube in the drawer, as Taeyong instructed, and raises Taeyong’s legs and positions his ankles to rest on his shoulders to see Taeyong’s already dripping hole.

Doyoung teases him a little longer, just to annoy the fuck out of him like always, before inserting his fingers and massaging his prostate. One finger in… then two… then three… then Doyoung’s cock goes into him. Doyoung fucks him hard and fast, exactly how he wants it to be. He can feel Doyoung’s entirety inside him and he lets out a loud moan with every thrust becoming harder, faster, and deeper— hitting at the right spot.

Taeyong’s mind is going blurry from the pleasure and sensation, but he hears Doyoung shout his name countless times as they both reach their orgasms. Doyoung slept over that night, on the couch so as to avoid each other.

This setting went on for months, with Doyoung fucking him religiously in bed, at the dining table, at the couch, and even at the car — wherever they felt like doing it. It was perplexing how sleeping with the person you argue with all the time can be this satisfying. And they’ve made it this far without telling anyone. It was fun and exciting, both of them fulfilling each other’s sexual needs— until that day that Taeyong realized he caught feelings.

For the first time, Doyoung didn’t leave or Taeyong didn’t make him leave the bed after a fuck. It was the night they both slept together in the same bed, and Taeyong woke up at dawn to find Doyoung’s arms around him. Isn’t there a written rule somewhere about rivals with benefits saying spooning is forbidden? But Taeyong let it be, melting in Doyoung’s embrace. The second time Taeyong woke up, the sun had already risen, and he found the other side of the bed empty and the sheets leaving a scent of woody musk.

Since then, the sex had been different for Taeyong. The hard and fast sex sometimes turned into a slow and sweet sex, but Taeyong doesn’t complain because he wants it just the same. He craves Doyoung’s slow kisses and soft touches.

The first morning Taeyong woke up to Doyoung cooking breakfast in the kitchen, he had his hopes up that maybe Doyoung is slowly changing his mind about love.

“Are you planning to burn my kitchen, or this whole building rather?” Taeyong asked as he walked towards the table.

“Surprisingly for you, I know how to cook,” Doyoung answered as he placed plates on the table. He cooked kimchi fried rice and omelettes .

“Oh so you’re cooking after a fuck now?”

“I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not going to poison you,” Doyoung said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll eat here since I haven’t done grocery shopping yet.”

They ate in silence, sitting across each other, before Taeyong cleared his throat. He’s been dying to ask Doyoung this question ever since Johnny and Taeil surprised them last week with the announcement of their engagement, “Changed your mind yet about the idea of marriage?”

“If I say yes, are you going to propose to me right here?” Doyoung snorted, and Taeyong only glared at him. “As I said, I don’t care about other people deciding to marry and I have nothing against Johnny and Taeil’s decision, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s nothing but a legal paper and some bullshit vows to me.”

Taeyong slowly chewed on his food, looking intently at Doyoung.

Doyoung continued, “Anyway, Johnny and Taeil don't have plans on getting married soon. They still have all the time in the world to change their minds.”

“You’ve made your point, now don’t drag them into your anti-commitment train.”

“You’re right, I hate commitments and no one or nothing can probably change that.”

“You’re clearly committed to fucking me, though.”

“Commitments without feelings are what I live for,” Doyoung laughed, and Taeyong almost choked on his food despite how slow he’s been chewing it. It was a slap for Taeyong, the words went straight to his heart, but he decided to live with it.

He wanted to avoid Doyoung ever since their conversation about marriage and commitments, because fuck love, fuck feelings, and most of all fuck Doyoung. Why did he fall for someone as numb as Doyoung? But every time Doyoung would come over, he welcomes him to his condominium like he’s not in pain. And whenever he craves for Doyoung, he runs back to him like he doesn’t mind if it fucks up his life. Because Doyoung would cook for him in the morning, he would clean him up after sex, he would carress him as they fall into slumber, and he would fuck him like he’s making love with him.

“You’re going somewhere?” Yuta asks. He knocked at Taeyong’s door just as he was about to leave to go to Doyoung’s.

“Yuta? Yeah I’m going,” Taeyong stutters, “for a drive. Why are you here?”

“Hmm? Taeyong,” Yuta deadpans. “Don’t leave me here for Doyoung.”

Taeyong’s eyes widens. “Huh?” He asks, acting perplexed by Yuta’s words. He’s not good at hiding and they both know that.

“Something’s up with you lately and I figured out what it is. Coincidentally, I came here at the perfect time,” he pushed Taeyong back inside the room. “I brought beers, now let’s talk.”

That night was the first time Taeyong told someone about Doyoung, and letting it all out felt unbearable for him but Yuta was there to hold him as he weeps.

“How’d you know?” Taeyong asks Yuta, sniffing from all the crying.

“You’re too obvious, Yong. I honestly won’t be surprised if Doyoung connects the dots.”

Taeyong only looks at Yuta, with pleading eyes, hoping to the universe that Doyoung doesn’t find out before he can sort his feelings out.

“There,” Yuta points at his eyes, “your eyes are expressive, you know? Every time Doyoung would leave first, your eyes follow him like a leech. And the subtle touches? God, you didn’t even want to be near him whenever we hung out before. I know you, and I’m concerned because whenever you fall for someone, you fall hard. I did tell you to have sex with him, but that doesn’t include falling for him, Yong.”

As if on cue, Taeyong’s phone started ringing with a call from Doyoung. Yuta eyes him, an intense glare, waiting for what he’s going to do. Taeyong knew he should put an end to this whole ordeal. He rejects the call and turns his phone off.

“What do you plan to do? Are you going to confess to him? Change his mind about love?” Yuta asks.

“No,” Taeyong says firmly. “Once Doyoung made up his mind about something, there’s no point in trying to convince him to change it.”

Taeyong stopped every communication he had with Doyoung, making up any excuses to not see him. On nights out, he would ask Yuta if Doyoung would be there, and he would make up more excuses to not attend if Doyoung was there.

Running away is never the answer, and Taeyong is being a coward for choosing that option, but he’s not ready to face his feelings and most of all to face Doyoung. It’s not fairly easy avoiding Doyoung when he’s persistent to talk to Taeyong. Of course, Taeyong knew Doyoung knows that he’s avoiding him because he’s not stupid to not figure it out.

And as weeks go by, the calls and messages from Doyoung lessen gradually. Taeyong scrolls through their conversation, and his heart aches from Doyoung’s messages, which he’s ignored for a month now.

**June 06, 09:27PM**  
“You’re not coming again?”

 **June 13, 07:01PM**  
“What’s your new excuse this time?”

 **June 18, 02:01PM**  
“Do you have a new fuck buddy now or something?”

 **June 19, 11:23PM**  
“Goddamnit Taeyong! Fine, don’t reply!”

 **June 28, 01:27AM**  
“Games are boring without you.”

Taeyong’s birthday came on a Wednesday, and he filed for two days off work — the first day was to spend the day with his family in his hometown and the second day was to sleep in until afternoon and go to the beachside for some peace.

He drove home to his apartment, tired yet fulfilled from being with his family for his birthday. He didn’t have other plans for the night but to drown in some alcohol on his own, since nights out on weekdays with the boys are not possible with them being incomplete. Upon walking towards his apartment, he noticed a figure sitting right in front of his door. As he walked closer, the light reflected on Doyoung’s face looking up at him.

Taeyong wanted to run, but he stood frozen on the spot as he saw Doyoung for the first time in weeks, still as dashing as ever.

“It’s my least favorite day today so we should celebrate it,” Doyoung said as he held up a bottle of wine and a paper bag, which Taeyong presumes has food in it.

“How long have you been there?” Taeyong asked as he entered the door and Doyoung followed suit.

“Not long enough.”

“I have plans tonight and it doesn’t include you, Doyoung. You can leave.”

“What? You don’t want a threesome with your new fuck buddy?”

“Fuck off,” Taeyong rolled his eyes.

“I’m kidding, Tyong. I cooked for you,” Doyoung said as he opened the paper bag and laid the tupperwares at the table.

Taeyong would lie if he said he didn’t miss Doyoung, or if he said that he didn’t appreciate the effort, but the trouble is Taeyong’s heart is overwhelmed by all of it. He can’t last long looking at Doyoung, and so he drank his troubles away. He drowned himself with the wine Doyoung brought, and when it wasn’t enough, he reached for the whiskey sitting in his kitchen for months now.

They ended up fucking in every corner of Taeyong’s apartment, hard and reckless, knowing they both missed each other’s warmth. When they finally reached Taeyong’s room, Doyoung turned from being a devil to being an angel as he fucked Taeyong sweetly, giving him long, sweet kisses, and caressing every inch of his skin.

“Tyong, I’m close,” Doyoung moans and the nickname sends a volt through Taeyong’s body. The came together, and Taeyong was sure this was the best sex they’ve ever had. Doyoung plumped down on Taeyong and he slowly pulled out his cock as he reached for Taeyong’s lips to kiss him softly. They stayed like that for a while, but the sudden realization hit Taeyong hard as his tears started to fall.

“Tyong,” Doyoung says, with a hint of concern in his voice, as he wipes Taeyong’s tears. “What’s wrong?”

“Tell me that you love me, Doyoung, even if it’s fake,” Taeyong cries.

Silence. There was a deafening silence. Taeyong closed his eyes, turning away from Doyoung. He didn’t imagine his confession to be in this kind of set-up. Doyoung’s not answering and although it feels heavy, his heart found some peace in finally letting it out even if it came out like he was begging Doyoung for love.

“But I do, Taeyong, for real,” Doyoung whispers just before Taeyong blacks out. “I’m just not ready.”

Taeyong woke up nursing an intense headache, with no memory of what occurred last night. He doesn’t plan on getting up any time soon so he turned to the other side of the bed and inhaled the familiar woody musk he hated and loved simultaneously. Suddenly, images from last night came rushing back to his mind, and he wanted to vomit upon remembering what he said to Doyoung. He sat up, searched the room, and saw a piece of paper on the bedside table. It has Doyoung’s handwriting. He reached for it and read it with eyes shedding tears and a heart beating fast.

_“Run forward, Tyong. I’ll catch up with you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> again, kudos and/or comments are highly appreciated! let me know what you think!
> 
> follow my twt and let's talk [@mionewrites](https://twitter.com/mionewrites)! ♡
> 
> i have another dotae angst prompt that i will write soon so wait for it (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
> 
> love y'all!


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